u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
