I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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