I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
