How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
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