Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize