i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
