I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
