Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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