Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
And the cops told us we were all naked.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
