Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
i dont even know how to be here
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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