I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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