she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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