I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
