Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
