She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
