WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
