I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
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