dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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