he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
