i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
