shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
COCAINE IS GR8
as a side note pls kill me
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
