just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
