you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
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