nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Randomize
