i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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