I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
