not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
