Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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