i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
