Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
