and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Randomize