This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
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