I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
