I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
