Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
