it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
