i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize