Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
