Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
