Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
