I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
