He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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