So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
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