They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize