I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
