Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
You may now shotgun with the bride
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
They have beer where we have blood.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
