A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Randomize
