So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize