She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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