Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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