shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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