I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
