I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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