I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Randomize
