Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
