I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Randomize