went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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