you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Randomize
