Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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