And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Randomize
