farters have to be the big spoon...
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Edward fifth and chaser hands
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
