so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize
