1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize