girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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