Michael Bay diarrhea
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
