dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
