Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Randomize
