the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I need to wash the frat house off of me
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Randomize
