cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
