I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
she peed on how many people?
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Randomize
