you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
