I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
