yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
