just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
