I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
