no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
