we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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