Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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