The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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