i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
