turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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