so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize