Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
im on a boat
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