I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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