did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
