woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
