u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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