If that was your dad, he is hot
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
