If i need to get strippers involved i will.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize
