Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Randomize
